Ladies, what are we continuously spending on routines and regiments that are killing our budget?
Saving Won’t Get You Rich, But It Helps
First, my big disclaimer here. If you love something, keep doing it. If something makes you happy, keep doing it. Removing all of the expenses you’ll read here and other niceties from your life will not make you a billionaire. Heck they won’t even probably make you a millionaire. So what’s the point you might ask?
Because money is power. And it’s a good idea to examine where your money goes. What habits do you want to keep up and which ones are just mindless rituals. We all have them. Stuff we’ve been doing for so long we don’t even think about it.
But it’s not just in our heads. Social media, mass marketing and consumer culture dictate a lot of these spending habits. And they don’t do this to make us happier, sexier, more confident or more comfortable in our own skin. They do it to make money.
When we think we’re not enough, there’s plenty of things to sell us to fill in that void. Particularly when we’re struggling, feeling like we’re still trying to attain status or just getting by financially.
Are We Spending to Achieve Temporary Status?
I love to people-watch and I’m fascinated by the rainbow of differences in how we dress, what we buy and what we value that changes based on socioeconomic standing. I started to notice the wealthy people I was seeing had less “stuff.”
No, I don’t think that’s how they got there. That’s often the myth we’re told, that people scrimped and saved, didn’t indulge and didn’t give into their most frivolous desires. The myth that certain people have been rewarded handsomely thanks to their self-control in saying no to a daily Starbucks has got to go. That glorification of wealth lets privilege off the hook and instead flatters many who don’t really deserve it, many of who were born into a privileged and secure socioeconomic standing.
No, they didn’t get wealthy by skipping these extras, but they don’t need them because they already had the wealth. Their bank accounts, educations, multiple homes and vacations provide the confidence that for many of us, fleeting indulgences provide.
That’s enough for my disclaimer. The short message is do what you love, but be mindful of your money. Spend it on the things that create real, lasting joy in your life. Do the work on yourself. See if there’s anything you’re spending on, not because you love it, but you feel it fills a void, creates a false sense of status or beauty or fills a gap of financial insecurity.
If that’s the case, maybe you’re better off leaving those indulgences behind for ones that are more supportive of you and your future goals.
Areas Where Women Spend That Many Men Don’t
Let’s look at some of the all too common ways women, in particular, spend their hard-earned money. Although men might indulge in these services and items too, it’s typically women who feel the pressure and need to keep up with these practices on a regular basis. It’s this repeated, habitual spending that can really add up. So these are the places to begin and budgetary self-assessment.
Manicures / Acrylic Nails
I’ve gone about a year now without having my nails done. I don’t miss it at all. At first when I stopped, I was insecure about how my hands looked. They were plain, not like the model hands all over Instagram. Non-flashy nails put my finger wrinkles on display. Short nails made my fingers feel stubby rather than long and lean. But I simply had no time to ever go to the salon, so I had to sit with this discomfort.
I started to wonder when I started to believe my hands weren’t enough as they are. Why didn’t men feel compelled to spend the hours each month in the nail salon? I used to refer to it as “me time,” but it really wasn’t. I wouldn’t “really” get anything out of the visit, no feelings of restoration or revitalization, except walking out feeling like the plain had been concealed, the perfect painted over the average.
I’m not saying I’ll never get my nails painted. There is a fun to choosing a vibe, picking a color. But it’s not a must-do anymore. Instead I focus on moisturizing my nails and opt for amazing non-toxic, breathable nail polish I can just swipe on in a few minutes at home while watching Murder She Wrote reruns.
That means no more harmful UV lights, no more formaldehyde or other toxic fumes, no more plastic coated nails or the waste that’s continuously generated by this beauty regime that constantly demands upkeep and new manis.
There’s a switch that can take place when you get off of the manicure loop. You can begin to love your hands for what they are just as they are. Let’s breakdown those savings:
Estimated cost: $60-150/2-3 wks
Approx. Annual Savings: $1020-$4000/year
Estimated Annual Time Saved: 17-40 hours a year (like a whole damn vacation in time and money!)
Designer Clothes
Average handbag price $2,475 At some point there was a marketing strategy of misinformation to make this seem like a normal price that a successful person wouldn’t scoff at. If you scoff, well that means you’re poor. So us poor people don’t scoff and instead fork over that price tag (or worse charge it) so we can walk around and tell the world, “yes, we can afford it.” That doesn’t make it any less of an incredibly silly purchase. I’m sucked in by it all too. I want to be “in” the exclusive club of Louis, YSL, Gucci and the rest of the cool girl table. The higher the price tag after all, the more prestigious the brand is what my sub-conscious thinks.
It doesn’t help that media like Who What Wear normalize outrageous pricing. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve clicked on an article to learn about the “hottest spring bags,” or “cutest sweaters for fall,” only to find prices for each item in the thousands. No where did they mention that the price for the sweater or the tiny purse smaller than my phone cost more than my monthly mortgage. They weren’t aghast or outraged. So this must be normal, right? Wrong. It’s just not. Don’t let them fool you.
But high quality does cost money, doesn’t it? When workers are all paid a living wage, when materials are sourced responsibly and items are sustainably produced, the price invariably has to rise a bit. I don’t mind paying more for these benefits. But, unfortunately, that’s just not the case when it comes to luxury designer brands. Those inflated price tags don’t seem to trickle down to the production line and many still use sweatshops for their manufacturing. Just take a look at all of the designers who receiving a failing grade according to the Shop Ethical website.
Estimated cost: $2000-3000/2 – 3 per year
Estimated Annual Savings: $4000 – $10,000
Hair Removal / Hair Additions
Our bodies apparently grow hair in places they shouldn’t and don’t grow hair in places they should. That’s the general message the beauty industry tells us. But who really determined that pubes were gross. Just think about it for a minute. The answer of course is during the post-War consumer blitz. These businesses love us because they never have to worry about new customers, they’ll always have their loyal patrons who need to come in every few weeks as natural hair grows in and fake hair falls out. Lashes are probably the newest addition to the regime. You’d be hard pressed to find a lash bar 10 years ago. Now they are everywhere. And when you get that first look at how full and big your lashes are, chances are you’re going to keep coming back for more.
Fine Jewelry
Growing up, I remember making mental notes that in order to be effective at this American female identity, I needed to covet diamonds and jewelry with all of my being. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. I played along, but the truth is I didn’t fully understand why they brought so much joy. And to be honest, I still don’t.
For a few years while toying with the idea of getting married and engaged, I fell hook, line and sinker for the idea that the price of the engagement ring reflected my value as a woman and as a partner. I became obsessed with attaining this goal that would be a visible reminder to me and the world that I was enough. You can read about a little experiment I did with this concept here.
Investment or Indulgence?
It’s not that I’m adverse to pretty things or accessorizing. But the joy I get from wearing a $10,000 piece isn’t proportional to the price. There’s not a thousand times more joy than there would be in wearing a $10 piece. But it’s an investment! I used to justify the need for such an expense. Yes, unlike fake lashes or waxing, a fine jewelry purchase will be something you keep and possess.
That said, with typically a lot of emotion and sentimental value tied into these tiny pieces, how many of us would trade with as much abandon as a cold, sterile stock portfolio. Jewelry is not categorized as an investment by the IRS. Instead it’s labeled as a “collectible,” which should tell you something. Add in the high markups if you’re buying your jewelry retail (which most of us are) and it would take significant appreciation to get back that cost.
Granted, for most of us, high-end jewelry is not a monthly expenditure. If it is, maybe we can discuss you adopting me (I make a damn good baked ziti and mashed potatoes). But I included this in the list because the prices can be so high, in the tens of thousands of dollars for many pieces, that they can have a deep impact on monthly budgets.
High-End Makeup
An off-shoot of designer clothing, high-end luxury makeup can feel like a short-cut to status. Just looking at the stylishly designed packaging, I have visions swirling of pulling out a Gucci lipstick (nonchalantly of course!) and deftly applying it to my lips while basking in the sun of a Beverly Hills brunch. Of course, I’ll probably never deftly apply lipstick and tube will just end up battered and smudged in a bag next to a couple of Tampax and hand sanitizer. But the fantasy remains!
It’s not just flashy lux cosmetic brands that can eat away into your budget. From “clean” beauty products to anti-aging wonder formulas, beauty products can each cost upwards of a hundred bucks. Just reading one “skincare basics” article had me with a cart full of Drunk Elephant and a $200+ price tag.
Most skincare products are designed to be applied each day. Meaning this is an expense that will keep requiring restocking and repurchasing. The result is getting stuck in another high-expense loop, adding yet another item to the monthly expenditures column.
It goes without saying that some ingredients cost more, especially if they’re sustainable and ethically produced. But again, just like with designer labels, a higher price tag doesn’t necessary equate to all things good and pure. I’m all about reading labels and seeing what active ingredients are available in equally responsible but more budget-friendly brands.
The Takeaway
Spend on the stuff that makes you happy, gives you joy, and supports your well-being. Being mindful of the reasons why we spend on the things we do can not only put more money in our savings, but it can release of from a whole bunch of societal pressures.
Regular expenses for physical “upkeep” not only cost us money, but typically cost us significant investments of time. Not to mention the mental load of thinking about them, planning them, etc. We all only have so much concentration and mental energy. There’s only so many things that can fit into our mental pie chart.
What monthly expenses do you continually shell out time and money for? Do those expenses give you joy? Could you take a break and feel okay? What’s keeping you tied to these spending rituals? Are they serving your greater goals or acting as a band-aid?